In Starlight
by Ehliena
Summary: It was a child's promise, a silly nonsensical thing that is best forgotten. But Kylo Ren remembers.


" _I'm going to marry you when I grow up."_

Kylo Ren opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. Stark metal wall greeted his gaze as he sat up in his bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Of all the dreams to have, it had to be that one.

It was an echo from his past, a youth that he would rather forget. It wasn't necessarily a painful memory. It was just one that stirred emotions in his heart, emotions that he thought were dead and buried.

He sighed as he made his way to the 'fresher. The memory was probably resurfacing because of the date. That particular memory happened more than a decade ago, on the rooftop of his uncle's school, under a blanket of stars.

Ren was young, a teenager, dealing with the usual adolescent problems, as well as not fitting into the school. His parents had just sent him to his uncle a few months past. They didn't know what to do with a Force sensitive child, and while he had some control over it, Ben Solo was no master. His abilities manifested at odd times, especially when he was under extreme emotional duress. It was inconvenient for Han and embarrassing for Leia. So they sent him away under the pretext of 'training'.

Ben had resented it. He still resented it. The people at Luke's school found him interesting at first, but he kept to himself and had the tendency to lash out at people who tried to get close. One time he used the Force to send someone flying just because he was touched. It didn't matter that Ben had done so because he was startled, that act had earned him a reputation.

People became hostile after that. Not openly, and definitely not where Luke could see. But Ben Solo had lived up to his name: Solo.

Even the mentors were against him. They seemed to have expected a prodigy, and given Ben's lineage, he supposed that they were justified. He was just one big disappointment to them. But he learned, and in time his skills were at the top of the class.

His peers were the worst though. Most of those who were in his age group despised him. Some of them didn't care, and the minority who would've come forward and try to be his friend were all discouraged by the immense amount of bullying he received.

Ben had literally only one friend in the entire school (not counting Luke because Luke was his uncle therefore he was family and not a friend.)

His friend was a little girl named Rey. Her parents were Force sensitives who met at Luke's school and stayed on to teach. Luke may have been rebuilding the Jedi, but the Code needed revisions. And Luke did not forbid anything that brought happiness to others.

Rey was a breath of fresh air to Ben's solitary existence. At first he tried to push her away but she was persistent and just kept coming back. Her parents were concerned at first, having heard about the incident between Ben and that other student, but when they saw how gentle Ben was with Rey, they gave her free reign to do as she pleased.

They had trusted Ben enough to let Rey sleep over at times.

It was during one of those sleepovers that Ben took her out to the roof. Technically, they weren't supposed to be there. To get there, Ben had to climb the ledged outside his window. It was dangerous, but Ben found it thrilling. Rey wanted to do the same, but Ben put his foot down. She was way too tiny to reach the handholds and footholds that he did. He had strapped her into a harness and pulled her up instead, using the Force as well as his physical strength so that in case one failed, the other would still keep her safe.

On the roof, he pointed out constellations and star systems to her. She was in awe of everything that came out of his mouth.

"You sure know a lot Ben," she said, turning to face him. "I wonder if I'll ever know as much as you."

"If you keep studying," Ben replied, lying down on the roof with his head cushioned on his arms. "I'm sure you'll surpass me someday."

"Really?" Rey asked, flopping on of his chest so that half her body was on his. "You think so?"

"Really," he nodded, giving her a big smile, probably the biggest he had ever given anyone since he arrived.

She let out a peal of laughter, obviously pleased with his reply. Rey was a happy child. She was the exact opposite of how Ben was.

"Hey Ben?" Rey asked, murmuring into his chest.

"Yeah?" he said, patting her on the head.

She said something else but it was smothered because she seemed to have decided to choose that moment to become shy. He gave a small chuckle.

"What was that Rey?" he asked, still stroking her hair. "I didn't quite catch that."

"I said," she lifted her head a bit. "I'm going to marry you when I grow up."

She ducked her head back down into his chest, obviously embarrassed by her statement. He saw no harm in the statement itself, nor did he see any harm in humouring her.

"Oh Rey," he said, getting her to face him again. Once she was looking him in the eye he winked at her. "I promise I'll wait for you to grow up."

"You will?" she asked, her brown eyes widening as if she expected that he'd refuse her.

"I will," he nodded. It was just a child's declaration, she would grow out of it in time.

"I love you Ben!" she said, launching herself at his neck, hugging him.

"I love you too Rey," he held her tight.

It was a few days later when the Supreme Leader started speaking in his ear. Then Rey left on a trip with her parents, something about going to go get a Force sensitive on some other system.

Rey had been gone a month. It was a month of isolation and slurs for Ben Solo. A month of the Supreme Leader whispering to him through the Force. A month of Ben Solo falling into the Dark Side. It was during that month when he had lead the raid that massacred everyone in that school.

Rey's parents had returned while the slaughter was going on, but they were alone. Ren wasn't the one to have killed them, another knight had gotten to them before he did. A quick investigation of their ship gave Ren their last coordinates: Jakku.

Ren left it alone. The other Knights had no idea that Rey existed. He saw no reason to inform them. So he left that planet and made their way back to the Supreme Leader.

The blast of cold water from the shower brought Kylo Ren out of his memories. It had been years since he last thought of Rey. He touched his newly acquired scar.

She hadn't even remembered him.

When he was assigned to track down Lor San Tekka on Jakku, there was a moment that he considered looking for her. But he quashed that idea. On Jakku she was safe. On Jakku, she didn't know what he had become.

When he heard that the droid they were looking for was aboard a ship that was the same make and model as the _Millennium Falcon_ he had a niggling feeling at the back of his mind that it was her. There were no such things as coincidences after all.

In the forest on Takodana, he saw her again for the first time. She was so full of fear. Her Force signature had changed. There was all the Light from when they were children, however there was also an air of loneliness, one that he was quite familiar with. Isolation tended to leave a mark on a person.

He had hoped that when he removed his mask for her, he would see recognition in her eyes, but there was nothing. Had he really changed that much over the years? Or did he mean so little to her?

Still, when they battled on Starkiller, he couldn't help but be proud of her. She did not have the training that he did, but she had pulled that lightsaber to her from him, showing him that she _was_ strong in the Force.

The medics had told him afterwards that they could heal the scar, make it so that he wouldn't have to carry a reminder of their battle. He declined the offer.

She might not have remembered Ben Solo, but she would remember Kylo Ren.

* * *

Rey woke slowly, not willing to let the warmth of the dream slip away from her just yet. It was a recurrent dream, one that she had had ever since she could remember.

In it she was safe and warm with someone with the vast universe overhead. She knew that it wasn't a dream about her parents. It was someone else, someone special. His face and name were both lost to her, but she knew he was important.

Someday, she'll find him. She did promise to marry him after all.

* * *

Happy Valentine's Day, well almost.

So, how did you like this fic? Leave me a review to let me know!


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